"Dear Concerned,
What a coincidence—this email, dated April 2020, just landed in my inbox:"

from Dear Prudie's advice to a woman about to marry a man with a serious alcohol problem

"A purchased a flatpack liberal democrat party from Ikea but when I got it home I found it was missing its nuts and the instructions were in French."

comment on the Guardian's Digital Election 2010 coverage

"The changes in the University have brought new challenges to us all. The beginning of this year has been hard but our personnel have praiseworthily had the strength to carry out their actions."

work-related email received this week

"I don't believe that less is more.
I believe that more is more.
That less is less, fat fat, thin thin,
and enough is enough."

quoted in a New York Times feature on the home of Duane Hampton

“There was a Russian joke in the 1950s, during the cold war. It claimed that America had 2 classes of people… the optimist and the pessimist. The optimist was teaching their children how to speak Russian… and the pessimist was teaching their kids Chinese!”

comment on the February 7th Room for Debate feature on Americans learning Chinese in the New York Times

"He looked homemade. As through his wife had self-consciously knitted or somehow contrived a husband when she sat alone at night."

The Key by Eudora Welty

"Live in the sunshine,
swim in the sea,
drink the wild air."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone"

If I Were a Boy by Beyonce
(great grammar example)

"- I got a hundred dollar check from my grandma and my dad says I need to put in a bank so it can grow over the years.

- Well, that's fantastic. A really smart decision young man. We can put that check in a money making mutual fund and we'll reinvest the earnings into foreign currency accounts with compounding interest aaand IT'S GONE.

- What?!

- It's gone. It's all gone.

- What's all gone?

- The money in your account. It didn't do too well. It's gone.

- What do you mean? I have a hundred dollars?

- Not anymore you don't. Poof."

Stan from South Park learns what a bank is for.

"Save Milk, Drink Beer: Swiss Philosophy"

on a postcard received this week

"How do you know [if you're a techie]? Take this simple test. Do you use BitTorrent? Do you run Linux? Do you have more e-mail addresses than pants? You’re a techie."

David Pogue in the New York Times